FREEZE

...

Dear Lord,

I humbly pray

Which is interesting, as I'm not exactly the religious type

In fact, I haven't spoken to you in years

Does that surprise you, or does it surprise me

That I only speak to you on my worst days

Through these tears?

Lord, if I'm speaking to you like this

I must really be up against the odds

I must really have done something worth regret

Or yet,

I must have truly angered the other gods

See me wear down

As I bear down

As I share now

From my chair, down

Like I care now

Are we square now?

I tried so hard to give you what you asked for

I tried to humble myself

And bring honor and devotion to something greater than myself

I asked not what I would be given

But what I could give

I asked not to be exempt from the tired, miserable, broken and tattered

As long as I could live...

As long as I mattered.

But nonetheless, I find myself here on my knees

My hands up towards the trees

Hoping you noticed I obliged when you yelled

FREEZE...

Please God, please,

Please Lord, please,

Please don't judge a book just because of it's cover

Please don't assume crook just because of his brother

Please take at least one look before labeling another

And don't ask me why I'm crying, hiding under covers

I cover my eyes so that I might not see

What comes next, what I expect, what I will be

What judges my time

What judges my virtues, my dues

My shades, contrasts, hues

My views

And my crimes

Lord, I'm a product of my environment

And you supplied my environment, with respect

So what did you expect

Except, to accept

The majority of the subjects

To suspect their title of suspect

Every time they turned up

In one or another respect as upset?

Lord, I never claimed to be a perfect man

I just hoped I could be seen as more than my worst offense

I know I've been low on your list

And I've done my best to convince you

That I can serve recompense ever since

Surely a sinner can do better

Can elevate, get some credit

Write a letter to the editor

To keep from seeing his name in the paper

See him labeled as an oppressor

Lord, I'm just asking you

Pretty please

Please

It's not often I ask others to pray for a "suspect"

Or derelict

Or threat

Or whatever they called me on the ledger

I won't grovel for your mercy, and I'm still not a beggar

But that's the clothing I wear now

See me wear down

In the stare down

As I bear down

For the prayer now

Where's my air now?

Is it fair now?

That the first legitimate question that you ask me is,

"Why are you scared now?"

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These are the things that went through my mind

In the year that stood between the moment when I knelt, blind

Confined and collapsed and trapped

And without my mind able to understand the time that elapsed

As I felt encapsulated and sedated by the officer that escalated

The situation that took place when I felt a trace

Of the possibility I would be caught with disgrace

And the moment I escaped

Lord, I pray

To something I cannot hear, and cannot see

That I believe in even when it does not believe in me

To something to which I continually aspire

Even at this moment, when I may expire

Even as I face the squad that wields the fire

And I uncover my eyes and raise them to the skies

I'm trying to go higher

I really want to do better than my first

I swear I'm so much better than my worst

And I can outlive and defeat my cyclic curse

But first

You have to answer this last critical prayer

You have to show that beneath this skin

That you have burnt and dirtied and pinned

Lies a deeper layer

...

If you can identify with this character I've explored

Then it really shouldn't matter who he was

The worst decisions of his life

Should not have left him to be something abhorred

If you find yourself

Justifying the reprimand,

The force over the man,

I find myself asking you:

For what, exactly, do you think you stand?