Part of the Problem?

You don't always know where you stand

Until you realize that you can't sit down anymore

I wish I could say that I could never just sit quiet

But the truth is

I was able to pretend for a while

I could slink away in the corner

And watch with intent

As money, and time, and emotions are spent

Trying to get those who abstain to express and repent

And those who resist to consider what's at stake, incensed

So that those that are lambasted for using their sense

And for not bending backwards to grant their consent

Consent

There's a concept, right?

Consent to be approached

Consent to be engaged

Consent to be selected

Except in our society, it may as well be

Consent to be encroached

Consent to be enraged

Consent to be disrespected

There used to be an art to be part of this world

An art that alluded me, of course

A dork of sorts with torts to force

Who'd sport ill-fitting shorts, of course

A soul who meant well, but fit ill in this jigsaw

A rolling stone who fell, but rolled onto less moss

Who fell off and got lost

But found itself with both ground and grains embossed

Of a different pattern than those you've come across

This Earth is different

But so desperately wants to relate to you

A hearth beat the same

As it draws out the hate from you

And as it yearns to be free of you

Does it draw a more tragic prison?

Is this a fire drawn to bed?

Or the next phoenix to be risen?

I should note here

I know I'm throwing a lot of extra metaphors and turns of phrase here

Things that probably don't make sense

That's one of the things about drawn out prose like this

It can take on a bunch of extra meanings and interpretations

And you can get away with not really saying anything

By saying a bunch of things in this vague way that makes it seem like

Maybe

Just maybe

I said the right thing

But you just didn't get it

And you want to just leave it as it is

Just in case you would just end up looking silly

If you called out what was clearly a bunch of crap that didn't go far enough

Well, let's try this one a little differently, shall we?

I want to be a good man

And for some reason, that has taken on a lot of different meanings in the recent past

It means, for some, that I'm supposed to speak up when something is wrong

With the hopes of making things right

But it also means, to others, that I should make due with what is

And not complain when the road is tough and the options are light

It means to hold up a historic set of ideals

Like chivalry, strength, and reliability

But it also means being an evolved version of those concepts

And giving way when needed for viability

And showing vulnerable sides, and acknowledging weaknesses and fears

And then snapping back into force, at a moments notice, to persevere

I'm not complaining, though I do remain unclear

Exactly when the mark got to wherever is 'here'

Why lie? I don't know how to do this

I'm at what is hopefully the halfway point of my life

And once again, like in basically every other chapter of my life

I'm waving the white flag

For someone to come and explain to me

As bluntly as desired

What the actual undignified #@$& is going on here

How did we get here?

And will we stay here after?

And I so desperately want to be part of the solutions

But what if I've been part of the problems?

I'm told the worst thing that you can do in a crisis

Is to not know, or not behave like you're actually in a crisis

Well, trust me

No risk there

But now what?

What do I even do, seeing as I only see the avenues from here as 

The ways that I failed yesterday

How do I grab my fellow man and say

"We need to do better"

If I'm only so sure how I personally can do better?

Am I one to teach?

Or do I have far more to learn, far more to earn

Before I can feel just to arise and to preach?

How do any of us know

That the ground we plant our stakes in

Is birthed of dirt and clay and not oil and sand?

How do we trust?

Our family, our friends, our neighbors

Our institutions, our leaders, our saviors

Who can just as easily become

Our cages, or frauds, or enslavers?

(Not talking shit about our personal communities, I'm just saying

Familiarity, loudness and/or confidence do not equal reliability or truthfulness)

How do I find truth?

How do I find reason?

Screw it, how do I find myself in this?

I've never had more intelligence and wisdom at my fingertips and I have found

A reason to doubt basically every single thing from the sea to the air, from wind to ground

And sure, faith counts for something

Until faith itself is misplaced

For I know one of the most dangerous things I've come across

Is a voice that says 'follow me blindly, or all is lost'

But if I ask a question at a time of doubt

At a time to dive in and figure it all out

Am I part of the problem?

God, do I want to be a better man

A man than can acknowledge that, quite possibly, he'll never get everything right

But won't be afraid to be wrong in his fight

Who will trip and stumble endlessly all through the dark

If just one soul that follows behind him reaches the light

Wisdom comes from getting it wrong and passing it along

So others now know better why we got it wrong

Regardless of how you get the best of suggestions

Your answers come from those that asked the first questions

Because as much as I want to know the truth

I'm more focused on finding the current solution

Even if I've been part of the problem

Even if I owe my own personal apology to those that came before us

The mothers, the sisters, the daughters

The neighbors, fellow passengers, nearby travelers

The ones who didn't feel safe

The ones who felt threatened

The ones who were not believed

The ones who fought back and paid the price for it

The ones who were ridiculed

The ones who were belittled and forgotten

The ones who were held responsible for decisions they didn't even make

The ones who made decisions they didn't even believe in but still had to commit to

I'm sorry if I didn't do enough

I'm sorry if I wasn't the ally I always could have been

I'm sorry if I should have spoken up sooner

I'm sorry... I'm just sorry

For the family I have, the ones I've lost sight of, and the ones yet to cross my path

I and the ones I stand for can do more

We will do more

We simply have to

You don't always know where you stand

Until you realize that you can't sit down anymore

D.O.G.E.

Don't tell me, because I already know

You don’t have to tell me, I know that we’re tested

I know how it feels when the things that we’ve come to rest on

Are crumbling all around us, almost like they were selected to

Come across as Down, Out, Gently Ejected

(Huh, look at that…)

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m hardly as naive

As I started out after ‘16, barely able to breathe

At the changes that seem to take us backward and without reprieve

I had to guard my heart from its chamber upon my sleeve

But this new world I now conceive?

This world

This is more vitriol than even I can believe in,

Leaving a taste in the mouth that leaves me heavin’

Barely breathin’, comically grievin’ the kind of

Revenge that resembles Doctor Octavius Getting Even

We may need a superhero to rescue us now

Green skinned, metal mangled

Or web slinging, set to wrangle

How outrageous and how bangled

To observe from this angle

The organizations we’ve watched for decades as the ones

Doubling Obligations, Getting Entangled

I had seen this kind of devastation recently, but even then

Drake Only Got Eviscerated by one enemy, decently

The bias of recency increases the price of peace

So now we know that Diplomacy Offers Greater Environments

To put the pieces together and clean up equally

Even if those that used to claim for something now meekly

Can only hold a Dreadful, Obsolete Genuflecting Event

To attempt to claim that they made Putin come peacefully

But seriously, how did it come to this, man?

My memory is like an open wound

When I think of what histories they’re trying to rewrite

Seeing what they’re Doing Onto Generations Entombed

We knew that these strategies went nowhere

But we returned to nowhere from over wherever there was

We are welcomed back to the long outdated playbook of

Denigrating Opponents, Generally Elevated

Dropping Off Gun Enforcement

Dumping On Guantanamo’s Exigents

And trying to govern not with laws, not with a shared vision to deliver

Not with bringing us together and making us stronger, and less bitter

But with a laundry list of rants, risks, and retribution

Delivered Over Gatherings, Emails, postcards, tiktok, snapchat, and twitter, (oops, I mean X)

That serve to Drown Out Government Employment

And Degenerate Our Generations Enjoyment

And maybe I’m not even immune from this force, entirely

Where I sit, I might need to rewire the

Very way I operate, optimize, and remain optimistic of my society

While refusing to cow to the most fascist of fires and declare that

I am Done Obfuscating Grammar Entirely

I know the occasional party out there gains from this

But it’s at the cost to the greater good, and the remaining good within all of us

And it’s so predictable, some of it isn’t even trying to hide these

Disastrous, Oppressive, Gluttonous Experiments

Ripping apart institutions that provide the stability that

They relied on but criticized anyway

Dogecoin Offers Gradual Embezzlement

But that’s a common element

Your corporate sponsors require that you use

The tools right as they’re selling it

But they don’t strive to rock the boat they’ve built

That’s not what they’ve prepared

They put their money on both parties

So either way, they’ve erred but they’ve also got theirs

And how can you blame them, they’re playing with house money

Your house’s money, if I’m being fair

Whether it’s USAID or the IRS or Department of Education, they’re

Scrounging up tax money prepared

And treating it much more like

Donating Others’ Generosity Ensnared

Democrats or Republicans, your victory is a scenario

For which at least one group is always prepared

But nothing there changes, between

Democrats Offering Grumbling Expletives

And Depending On GOP Evasiveness

This feels exactly like the system was designed

To waste our time and space and place in this

Whenever they decide that they are

Done Overriding Grounded Experiments

That yield real results on more than inclination

Maybe this current government could avoid

Trying to trim their personnel based on snap judgement

Derived On General Explanations

(Still not over trying the 5 bullet points thing, just in case you were wondering what that one was referring to)

Whether they tariff you, tax you

Hire you then axe you

Fax you that the email is coming just to relax you

Then sack you because the 5 things you sent weren’t enough

For you to stay unpacked through

These Douchebags Of Great Entitlement

Why do they even hide it?

They’re more than transparent with

Their apparent wave of greed

And their assumption that

We’ll all just subside in

Drooling Over Gaza, Economically

Because why worry about the humans contained

Let alone the humanity that abstains

In the rear view of the stealth planes

Dropping bombs after bombs on whatever remains

To keep the remaining voting base

Dumbfounded, Or Greatly Entertained?

Why worry about the taste endeared

Just keep Drinking Of Genetically Engineered Koolaid

Music on full blast, fingers in ears

Wearing those red hats through the pain and the tears

Because your hypnotizers repeat the words you so revere:

“The days we’ve waited for are finally here!”

Sure, just accept it, don’t question

Don’t fight it

Here’s your script and your flag

Nod, salute, and recite it

Not a problem I foresee when they come for other groups

With bags and masks and planes to parts unknown

Just remember that those people they told you to hate

Are the only ones currently

Dunked On, Getting Extensively delighted

While the grand wizards and KKK

Dragons Of Great Exultation

Dance around huge crosses that lay ignited

And don’t let me not acknowledge that as I write this

People across all sorts of lands have become excited

But excited might not convey it, more like terrified

Enervated, disillusioned, woken, and erudite

To the realization that America might have burned past it’s most bright

Everywhere has seen this new reality come to light:

Dubai, Oslo, Giza, Edinburgh

Dublin, Ontario, Guangzhou, Edmonton

Detroit, OKC, Greensborough, El Paso

Delaware, Ohio, Georgia, Even American Samoa

This is hitting everyone everywhere, constantly

Wave after wave, crest well above our heads

At the apex of our stress and our subconsciousness

Where our imagination meets the weight on our chest

And we both wonder how much more we can take before

Being forced to disconnect for our own sake, and therefore

Starting to actively ignore the drill that seems set on boring

A hole through our hearts and our soles to dig out 

A sore that amounts to the whole of our core

A hunger and thirst that eats what we adore

And produces what we abhor

All the while Droning, Only Groaning, Eagerly roaring for

More. More. More.

And what’s more, is this on us, because

It’s what we should have expected

Because what we had from before

Was important to have been protected

The system we so dejected

Still held back this Leviathan of

Disgusting, Overt, Gross, Egotistical

Downright Obscene, Greedy, Enervating

Degenerate Of Groups Elected

The minute we didn’t show up

And show that we all could still be connected

To grow with the space provided

And show, even when collided

We know that we aren’t divided

But we are, aren’t we?

We can’t agree on anything lately

We can’t agree whether or not tariffs are a good thing for our economy or not

(Spoiler alert: it’s actually a very nuanced conversation and there are specific examples that one could argue that they are appropriate but quite often the consumer bears the heaviest burden of paying them, not the country exporting, not the country importing and often not the importing company that will sell the goods)

We can’t agree if measles is a big deal, or if vaccines cause Autism

(It really is, and they don’t)

We can’t even agree on whether Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia  should be brought home

(Seriously, go fuck yourself if you don’t think we should go and get that man and bring him home this instant)

In spite of what we all previously selected

The fact that the Supreme Court of the United States can’t get their own rulings respected

Must mean that when Donald Objects Getting Examined

Democracy Overturned Gets Expected

Nevertheless, I’m glad that so many found their voices this year

I’m glad that hope has not been stomped out but has persevered

I’m glad that in spite of all this dreary nonsense that still has its head to rear

That I can experience joy and cheer, and my conscience still can be made clear

So even if my message isn’t something we agree on

If it gets ignored and stripped and buried for some eons

If it gets delegated to grunts and slackers, hacks and peons

My message still is clear in this: 

Don’t Overthrow Governments, Elon