...
Dear Lord,
I humbly pray
Which is interesting, as I'm not exactly the religious type
In fact, I haven't spoken to you in years
Does that surprise you, or does it surprise me
That I only speak to you on my worst days
Through these tears?
Lord, if I'm speaking to you like this
I must really be up against the odds
I must really have done something worth regret
Or yet,
I must have truly angered the other gods
See me wear down
As I bear down
As I share now
From my chair, down
Like I care now
Are we square now?
I tried so hard to give you what you asked for
I tried to humble myself
And bring honor and devotion to something greater than myself
I asked not what I would be given
But what I could give
I asked not to be exempt from the tired, miserable, broken and tattered
As long as I could live...
As long as I mattered.
But nonetheless, I find myself here on my knees
My hands up towards the trees
Hoping you noticed I obliged when you yelled
FREEZE...
Please God, please,
Please Lord, please,
Please don't judge a book just because of it's cover
Please don't assume crook just because of his brother
Please take at least one look before labeling another
And don't ask me why I'm crying, hiding under covers
I cover my eyes so that I might not see
What comes next, what I expect, what I will be
What judges my time
What judges my virtues, my dues
My shades, contrasts, hues
My views
And my crimes
Lord, I'm a product of my environment
And you supplied my environment, with respect
So what did you expect
Except, to accept
The majority of the subjects
To suspect their title of suspect
Every time they turned up
In one or another respect as upset?
Lord, I never claimed to be a perfect man
I just hoped I could be seen as more than my worst offense
I know I've been low on your list
And I've done my best to convince you
That I can serve recompense ever since
Surely a sinner can do better
Can elevate, get some credit
Write a letter to the editor
To keep from seeing his name in the paper
See him labeled as an oppressor
Lord, I'm just asking you
Pretty please
Please
It's not often I ask others to pray for a "suspect"
Or derelict
Or threat
Or whatever they called me on the ledger
I won't grovel for your mercy, and I'm still not a beggar
But that's the clothing I wear now
See me wear down
In the stare down
As I bear down
For the prayer now
Where's my air now?
Is it fair now?
That the first legitimate question that you ask me is,
"Why are you scared now?"
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These are the things that went through my mind
In the year that stood between the moment when I knelt, blind
Confined and collapsed and trapped
And without my mind able to understand the time that elapsed
As I felt encapsulated and sedated by the officer that escalated
The situation that took place when I felt a trace
Of the possibility I would be caught with disgrace
And the moment I escaped
Lord, I pray
To something I cannot hear, and cannot see
That I believe in even when it does not believe in me
To something to which I continually aspire
Even at this moment, when I may expire
Even as I face the squad that wields the fire
And I uncover my eyes and raise them to the skies
I'm trying to go higher
I really want to do better than my first
I swear I'm so much better than my worst
And I can outlive and defeat my cyclic curse
But first
You have to answer this last critical prayer
You have to show that beneath this skin
That you have burnt and dirtied and pinned
Lies a deeper layer
...
If you can identify with this character I've explored
Then it really shouldn't matter who he was
The worst decisions of his life
Should not have left him to be something abhorred
If you find yourself
Justifying the reprimand,
The force over the man,
I find myself asking you:
For what, exactly, do you think you stand?
