My wife is not a super hero.
I try to explain that to her every so often, that she is not an invincible force. She doesn't have unlimited and unparalleled strength, she is not able to leap tall buildings with a single bound. She cannot take on the world all at once, all by herself. I simply mean to say that she shouldn't feel that she has to. It's possible she thinks that I'm setting it as a challenge.
Tara has known for a long time that she wanted to help people. She has studied it, she has practiced it, and she has lived it, both in her family and professional life. She has always been someone that can be relied upon, someone who can be trusted, and someone who can give and accept love in many forms. Someone who will deal with reality in whatever format it comes forward. Someone who will find solace and meaning in things that may shine on a cloudy day, or further brighten a sunny one.
She's probably the most determined person I know. Working in mental health counseling must require the kind of inner will that most of us will never be able to appreciate. It's certainly not easy to push past some of the ugliest parts of the world and of life to make it to the good parts. Doing this is already a lot to ask in our own lives, but to do it for someone besides one's self is beyond admirable. That actually is heroic. For the record, I include myself in with those who will not truly understand selflessness at this level.
But again, my wife is not a super hero.
My wife is fiercely proud of who she is and where she comes from. Her family holds a place in her heart that cannot be rivaled. But please understand, this is not just the family she was born from. Tara has found others, from childhood through her adolescent and young adult life, that have become intertwined with her just as if they had sprouted from the same seed. She knows so well the definition of friendship as 'the family that you choose'. Tara has a knack for putting others before herself. This includes people close to her, but also those that she does not know well and owes nothing to. The trauma, the agony, the pressure, and the relentlessness of a calling like this still baffles me to consider as a daily endeavor.
This woman that I share my life with, whom I love more each day that I know her, does her best to share the best possible side of things, but it is inevitable that some of the darkness comes up at times too. It's only natural to acknowledge that this world of ours is unfair, and fickle, and at times even cruel. Yet I find myself sometimes glad when these dark forms show up, not because I am happy that such terrible things exist but that there also exist the people like her that can fight them tirelessly, and save the world from them, over and over again.
When we are together, I know she usually has a lot on her mind. She does her best to shut off work life at work and live independently of those difficulties and that trauma that is such a common part of the days. She must make sure that she finds time for self care, wherever possible. It is still difficult for me to not try to take on some of the weight of what she does. She would never ask for help in that. Perhaps, it is not Tara that needs to be reminded, but instead myself:
My wife may not be invincible, but I've yet to see a force that can defeat her.
My wife may not have unlimited and unparalleled strength, but it's strength that she still has yet to find the maximum to.
My wife may not leap tall buildings with a single bound, but she will climb every mountain put in front of her for what she believes in.
My wife cannot take the world on all at once, and I hope she never has to because she will try all the same, and the results may be closer than expected.
My wife is not a super hero.
Oh, wait... yes she is.
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