Al Pacino said that in one of my favorite movies. Glengarry Glen Ross. Which is based on a play, come to think of it. So it's not like I should credit Pacino for saying what they told him to say. I should credit David Mamet, the guy that wrote the book that became a movie worthy of Pacino, Jack Lemon, Alec Baldwin, Ed Harris, Kevin Spa- never mind who else was in the movie, okay? Al Pacino said this line, and it's always stuck with me. Especially anytime that I get sentimental.
Hi, by the way.
I was looking back through pictures this afternoon, because I have all of this homework that needs to get done before Superbowl Sunday, and naturally I can't really concentrate on anything I'm trying to get done for tomorrow. I've been watching action movies at close to full volume, I've been reading up and watching tutorials on ethical hacking, I even brushed up on my Italian lessons on Rosetta stone. Nothing seemed to help me get focused. and because I can't get focused, I know myself well enough to know that I pretty much have to let my mind wander on whatever odyssey it wants to pursue before I get everything out and can focus again. And so here we are.
Also, we had some Apple Wine left. So I've been drinking what equates to spiked apple juice. So there's that.
Still, the thought of looking forward and looking back has always appealed to me. I'm definitely someone who lives a lot of their life within memories and fantasies. Re-envisioning the past and the future, well, it happens quite often for me. And it's not such a bad thing to do, so long as you can still go through the present without being overly influenced by what happened or what my happened. And maybe that's a problem of mine. I don't really know. We never really know our biggest weaknesses while we are experiencing them, no matter how self-aware we are. No one ever comes up with a flash card and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, the answer we were looking for is, "Constant fear of disappointing one's mother. You lose everything you wagered from the second round."
And not that I fear that, but it doesn't change the fact that I always wonder how I'll look back and remember these exact moment. Will I see them fondly, or will I lament that I wasn't doing something more productive, something specific? Will I recall this evening and say, "Guhh! Why the hell wasn't I studying Mandarin? That would have put me so much farther ahead with my clients right now!"? Or, will I regret not trying to write more of my book about the events of Webster St. in Madison, WI between August 2011 and August 2014, when so much random and entertaining shit went down and only a select few know the full story and perhaps only those individuals would really care to hear it all?
Maybe others would, maybe not. I'm sentimental for that kind of shit.
Your own story is always so much more interesting to you than others. That's just how it goes. Your memories, your intentions, your actions, even the stuff you didn't do, it's way more important and interesting to you than to anyone else who wasn't there. It is what it is, I'm sorry if that doesn't sound right. It's damn near impossible to appreciate what's going on while it's going on.
For example, I ask you, what is the funniest thing you've ever seen in person? Like, the thing that made you laugh the hardest that you've ever laughed? I'll bet it's not something that can just be simply explained. It can't be explained for me quite so easily.
I saw the funniest thing I've ever seen at my high school graduation practice. At that event, I have never laughed harder, in my entire life. I came close to passing out because I couldn't breath on account of laughing to hard. And here's the story.
There was an individual. We'll call him Joe. Or rather, Joe-Joe. Sure, why not? Joe-Joe, or JJ for our purposes, was not one of my favorite classmates. I distinctly didn't like this guy. He tried way too hard to act like he was an awesome guy, and an awesome athlete, and a smart and high achieving student, and he was none of these things. And if he had just owned who and what he was, he would have been fine, because not everyone is a high achiever, or a stud runner and football player, or a huge ladies man. But when you're not one of those things and you won't stop talking about how much you are, well, people get tired of it and they start to take notice. Given enough time, they start calling you out about it, leaving you with two options:
1. Own up.
2. Show up.
Guess which of the two JJ tried to do on this story?
We were at the practice session for our graduation, where all we did was simulate how we would walk down the aisles for our graduation ceremony in about 2 weeks time. There was so little going on, so after the obligatory ten minutes of instruction, on a week day of our senior high school year when grades had already been locked in place, all any of us had to do was stay quiet and not embarrass ourselves.
Enter our 'friend', JJ. Because I'm playing a bit fast and loose with the term 'friend' here.
It wasn't just me at this point that was fed up with this little bastard. I'm sorry, the guy would not SHUT THE HELL UP. He had no game, he was a goofy looking dude with nothing to brag about, and he kept trying to tell my friend, whose name is John so we'll call him Johnny for this story, he kept telling Johnny that he could hit on any girl at graduation and get them to give him their phone number. And if you can believe it, this was worth our time back in 2005, when phone numbers were still a big deal and you had to try to get the ability to contact a member of the opposite sex. So JJ goes on and on about his non-existent game, and finally, Johnny puts him on the spot and says something like, "Okay, JJ, you can get anyone, then go get someone's number right now! Stop talking about it and just do it! Stop flapping your gums and fucking do it!"
Now, I don't think Johnny actually meant to provoke a reaction with what he said. I think he just wanted JJ to slink away in embarrassment. And, in retrospect, that would have been the better move. But alas, JJ, looked around, confused, and then started off toward a particularly large group of young women who were playing cards.
I have to pause and contain my laughter because of how much joy I got out of seeing him shuffle off in this direction while I watched. Because, wow. Just wow. You talk about watching the numerous Crusades that left Europe that didn't take back the Holy lands like they thought they would, or the people that took off in planes trying to cross the Pacific ocean that just never came back, or the poor bastards that start trying to chug a gallon of beer at a bar when they've been drinking too much all night as it is, that's the feeling I got when JJ shuffled off to try to get a phone number from one of this group of adolescent females, most of which knew him and had no such interest, but others whom didn't even know he had gone to school with them. It was like the band playing as the Titanic started sinking, I both couldn't turn away and had to work to contain my laughter on his walk over alone.
Now you're probably thinking, okay, he'll go over to someone specific, and try to strike up a conversation, or even drop a pickup line than will at least start something specific. Nope. JJ walked over, sat behind the girl he wanted to say hello to, and didn't say anything. You've got all these girls in a circle and some chairs lined up behind them from the practice about 3 feet away from who we'll call Jenny for this, and that's where he chose to position himself. He just sat down silently and watched a group of fifteen girls continue to play cards. But it was painfully obvious that he had walked over and sat behind Jenny specifically. And gradually, each girl in the circle playing cards looks over and wonders, what the hell is that about?, and then goes back to the game. And this lasts for a good ten minutes, without JJ saying a word. And it should be paralyzing, and kind of sad and almost endearing. And I'm telling you that I hate this bastard enough to have laughed harder and harder through ever minute of it, where when it ended, and he finally just got up and walked away because the entire circle was just staring at him, and he waved casually and then just got up and strolled away like a god damn racewalker, I spent an hour trying to recover from how hard I was laughing. It was that serious. I was worried I wouldn't be able to stop.
And I get that it doesn't mean anything to most of you reading this, but this moment will be forever cemented in my mind as one of the funniest things I've ever seen, hands down. Not just a matter of 'you had to be there', which I've mentioned in a previous blog post. This is a matter of, you had to be there, and know the people involved, and even then, you might not think it was so funny unless you were me. Some things are only funny, looking back, as yourself, remembering the shoes that you were wearing (figuratively). Never forget that your own perspective will always shift certain things to where only you understand why the thought you had was exactly appropriate. Don't feel weird about looking back every now and then, or looking forward to the specific thing that you can't wait to see different. Enjoy feeling something that no one else could possibly feel in the moment.
That's more than enough. Bye now.
